I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
