Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
