Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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