I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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