cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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