so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
