Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
