So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
