Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
