Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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