I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
