We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize