I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
