this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
