Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you never un-have a 4some
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
