dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
