I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
