What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
