Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
