First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
