my vag is so smooth its legendary
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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