Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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