Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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