what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
