hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
