How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
