Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
