i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
