i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
