i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
