Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
