the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
