dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You are a genius and a whore.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
