He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
