well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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