ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
