big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
