My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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