Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
