that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
