Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
