gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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