I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
