It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she peed on how many people?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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