i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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