I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My ass is underappreciated
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
