Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
