so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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