Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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