Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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