I will die if light touches me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
