I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
