I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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