Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
