your room smells of hookers.
And success
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is classic penis vs brain.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
