Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
