I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
