god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize