boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
