I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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