i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize